5 signs you crave male validation, according to therapists

You’re changing not because you want to, but “because you’re influenced by the attention you’re going to get from doing so,” Brown says, a clear sign your identity is tethered more to his approval than your own values and interests.

3. You can’t make decisions without his opinion

This isn’t just about asking which shirt looks better or whether you should splurge on that new necklace you’ve been eyeing. If you’re unable to make choices (big or small) without getting his input first, this can signal a deeper issue.

“It stems from the belief, ‘My thoughts and opinions are less important,’” Brown says, which can influence some women to place extra weight on their partner’s judgment instead. The problem, however, is that “when their feedback is negative, it can invalidate your whole existence,” pushing you to seek their approval in more extreme ways—like ditching friends he doesn’t like, for instance, or changing your career plans to suit his lifestyle.

4. You ignore your own boundaries to please him

Maybe there’s something you’ve always felt strongly about—not staying out past midnight on a weeknight, never skipping your weekly book club meetings or sticking to a vegetarian diet. But according to Dr Guttman, suddenly compromising on these boundaries for men, in particular, is a clear sign you’re prioritising his potential happiness over your own needs and nonnegotiables—a habit that can erode your self-respect and train you to put others’ comfort above your own.

5. You ditch your loved ones for his attention

Instead of showing up for the people who’ve been there for you, you find yourself chasing breadcrumbs of attention from men you barely know. The second a cute stranger starts chatting you up at a bar, you leave your crew behind without a second thought—or even change your mannerisms (laugh louder, lean closer) to ensure you’re the only one catching his eye. This can show up in long-term relationships too: Your schedule revolves around his, which means your loved ones will end up on the back burner if he asks to spend time together.

According to Dr Guttman, this pattern says a lot about your priorities: “For you, spending time with a man is more important than spending time with friends—meaning you don’t view them equally.” And over time, that imbalance can not only hurt your existing friendships but also leave you feeling lonelier when you do cut off the people who truly know and support you.

How to stop craving male validation

The goal isn’t to suddenly pretend you don’t care what anyone thinks. “It’s about finding something else that gives you that same hit of excitement and confidence from within,” Brown says. Here are a few options to try:

1. Notice the strengths that have nothing to do with your appearance

Most of the validation we get from men tends to centre on looks—your outfit, your body, your face. While these compliments can feel good, they’re also fleeting—which is why a more sustainable confidence boost will come from reminding yourself of your inner value.