6 bad relationship habits couples therapists are begging you to break

Romantic red flags and dramatic betrayals get a lot of attention (rightfully so). But it’s often the everyday bad relationship habits that quietly drive couples apart.

Compared to the biggies like cheating, yelling or outright disrespect, more subtle patterns—in the way we communicate (or don’t), the assumptions we make, the emotional needs we ignore—tend to slip under the radar and get dismissed as annoying yet harmless quirks. But really, “what ends up happening is that resentment builds, and it builds and it builds,” says Janet Bayramyan, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist at Road to Wellness in Los Angeles, which is why recognising these small but impactful behaviours (before they grow beyond repair) is so important.

Read below for the most common mistakes even the strongest couples make without realising, according to relationship experts—plus, easy fixes to keep your romance strong.

1. You hide behind humour to avoid deeper discussions

Whenever serious topics come up, you turn into Chandler Bing—cracking jokes or dropping sarcastic one-liners to lighten the mood. Whether it’s a talk about moving in together, money stuff or big feelings, you’d rather dodge it than face it head-on.

“Typically, I’ve seen this happen because one partner feels uncomfortable or incapable of having tough conversations and emotional intimacy, so they’ll use humour to deflect,” Bayramyan explains. The problem, though, is that this defence mechanism can leave your loved one feeling dismissed, as if you’re only interested in the fun, easy parts of a romantic relationship—and not willing to face the deeper, messier moments together.

What to do instead: You don’t have to pretend that opening up isn’t scary. “Be honest and let your partner know there’s a part of you that wants to deflect because you have a hard time with serious conversations,” Bayramyan says. For them, this can be the reassurance they need to know you’re not just brushing them off. And for you, this kind of confession is a necessary baby step toward being more vulnerable with your partner.

2. You swap date nights for takeout and TV in bed

Most long-term relationships aren’t as high-energy as they were in the beginning. As you settle in and get comfortable with each other, it’s normal—even kind of heartwarming—to fall into a softer, more familiar routine that might look something like dinner after work, an episode of your favourite show, some phone scrolling (or fooling around) before bed. Then repeat the next day.