Do straight men love other straight men more than they love women?

S asks to grab drinks with me. She needs to vent about B, her boyfriend and one of my close buddies. On her second whiskey neat, S tells me that B hasn’t said “I love you” to her yet. They’ve been dating for three years. On the other hand, after a jubilant round of FIFA last weekend, she saw him hug and kiss a male friend, before screaming “I love you!” thrice into his ears.

“So he can say the words, but just not to me?”

Years ago, I was interviewing an Indian male superstar at his pad when he received a call mid-way. The actor, then in his late 20s, picked up and proceeded to pepper the chat with romantic and sexual innuendos. In any room, this interaction would be considered hardcore flirting. The actor threw in generous helpings of “babys” and “jaanus”, the person on the other end returning them just as fervently. When the call ended (with a round of “pehle tum rakho, no baby, pehle tum”), he said, “He’s one of my best mates, man, love him to death.”

From dance floors to football fields, straight men actively express their affection towards their male friends with language and gestures set aside for interactions with the opposite sex. They believe that exaggeratedly mimicking feminine gestures, acting like a spouse, using romantic language platonically, squeezing their gym partner’s pecs or groping a friend’s groin are expressions of endearment. Are straight men expressive as long as their behaviour is not seen through a pink lens?

“I know my close male friends are not gay, they know I am not gay, so we can actually do and say whatever we want. It is extremely freeing,” says 33-year-old tech bro Arjun. “With women, even a simple kiss on the cheek is not just a kiss. She’s reading into it, I am thinking whether it was too much. Everything I do with her is analysed and dissected in her group chat.” What Arjun points at is the candour of straight male equations. There are no layers, no emotional mazes. Straight male friendships survive despite distance and zero communication skills. The best of friends could spend all their time playing video games in silence. The tightest of gangs could bond over cricket talk. Male friendships do not need regular affirmation. Or maybe it is the absence of an emotional outlet between straight men that triggers these aggressive bouts of physical affection.