Is breaking up over text ever okay?

Then, be clear and honest about what you’re doing and why you no longer want to be a couple. Go with a line like, “I realised it’s best for me to not continue to date because I feel like we don’t communicate well” (or whatever your reason is). Try not to blame or criticise them—even if you really, really want to—because that’ll just make them feel defensive or angry, Giolitti-Wright says.

A quick tip: You want to avoid defending yourself or overexplaining where you’re coming from, she says. Even though you might assume being wordy offers more closure, it does the opposite—and often escalates into a full-blown heated convo or argument. “Engaging in a back and forth discussion does not promote finality, which is the purpose of the text to begin with,” Giolitti-Wright says. So a couple sentences will do.

After that, share your new boundaries. Be specific about what they can expect from you re: contact—let them know if you’re willing to keep talking or if you’d rather have space. Finally, end your message on a compassionate note—wish them well as genuinely as possible. A quick “I wish you all the best moving forward” will do the trick, says Giolitti-Wright.

You may also want to invite them to open up and weigh in, says Giolitti-Wright, like if you had a deep emotional connection or wish to remain friends. You can say, “Now that you know how I feel, I’d love to know what you’re feeling if you want to share.” On the other hand, if you had a short fling or are worried things could snowball into a not-so-fun text battle, you can probably skip this step.

And if you’re still unsure about what to say? Think about how you’d want someone to cut ties with you, says Dr. Cope, and, when in doubt, lead with compassion and empathy.

One last note: If you choose a text breakup out of fear for your safety, Dr. Cope suggests keeping a few caveats in mind. First, include only “as much detail as is needed to communicate that the relationship has ended, without disclosing personal details that may put [you] in further danger.” For example, “This relationship has hurt me. I do not want to see you again. If we see each other in public, I will not acknowledge you.” After that, she recommends going no contact—so don’t engage in further debate or keep tabs on them on social media. Lastly, don’t be afraid to reach out to domestic violence advocates or resources that can help in case things escalate.