10 tips for navigating a friendship after a baby comes into the picture

Of course, it’s normal to stay in a little cocoon with your newborn for the first couple of weeks, Dr. Degges-White says, but after that, “it’s good to get out.” Leaning on friendships and having engagements (even conversations!) outside your “baby bubble” can help manage stress, boost your mood, prevent isolation and buffer against postpartum depression, Dr. Degges-White explains. Not to mention, “it actually makes you a better partner and parent when you have a chance to have some fun.”

2. Be honest about where you’re at

It might be obvious to you that you’re not intentionally ignoring your friend’s texts; you’re just too fried to squeeze in a shower some days. But “being upfront and open” about how your capacity and priorities are different right now can reassure your friend it’s not about them, Dr. Degges-White says. “Let them know that you’re trying to manage a new way of life,” adds Dr. Mills. “Remind them that it’s not personal and you’ll be back, you just need some time.”

For instance, you might say something like, “I know I’ve been MIA lately, so I just want you to know it’s not you, it’s me! Parenting has me wiped, and some days I barely have time to wash my face. Still figuring it all out, but I miss you!” As Dr. Degges-White explains, “Even if they’re not a parent, they’re gonna understand that life changes.”

3. Invite them into your daily life

If the prospect of showering, putting on real pants and going out for sushi feels positively harrowing, keep your sweats on and rethink what hanging out looks like. Because it “doesn’t have to be overwhelming,” Dr. Mills says. Think about what would actually be easy for you right now, and embrace the convenient or low-key hang.

If you’re going grocery shopping, running errands or taking the baby to a checkup, ask your pal to come along, Dr. Degges-White says. Or invite them to join you on your morning walk around the neighbourhood or for a super-quick coffee. “A little time is better than no time,” as Dr. Mills puts it.

4. Arrange baby-friendly meetups

In an ideal world, you’d get regular baby-free hangs to unwind and stay connected to your identity outside of parenting, Dr. Degges-White says. But that’s not always realistic—or you might want to see friends more often than you can find childcare. In that case, “finding ways to include baby in the activities you do with your friends is a way to keep those friendships alive,” Dr. Degges-White says.