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8 hydrating foundations to try this winter that won’t cling to dry patches

Winter has a way of changing how makeup behaves on the skin. What once seemed so seamless can suddenly cling to dry patches, settle into fine lines or leave your complexion feeling tight by midday. As temperatures drop and humidity disappears, hydration stops being a nice-to-have and becomes essential.

Part of the problem is everything happening around your foundation. Cold air outside, heaters and hot showers inside all chip away at your moisture barrier. Skin loses water faster, feels rougher to the touch and any little bit of texture you normally ignore suddenly becomes visible under makeup. If you’re still using the same gel moisturiser, mattifying primer and long-wear base you loved in October, your face is probably telling you it’s time for a change.

A few tweaks go a long way: switch to a richer moisturiser, give it a few minutes to sink in and layer a hydrating primer or serum underneath your base. Look for foundations with humectants (like hyaluronic acid and glycerin) and barrier-supporting ingredients (like squalane and ceramides), and go easy on powder; just set the centre of the face instead of mattifying everything. Gentle exfoliation once or twice a week can help makeup glide on more smoothly, but the real goal is comfort: a base that moves with your skin instead of cracking against it.

That is where hydrating foundations come in. These formulas are designed to sit comfortably on dry skin, offering moisture, flexibility and a natural finish that lasts. We’re going for skin that looks fresh, smooth and healthy, even on the coldest days with the help of makeup that works with your skin rather than against it.

Below, our favourite ultra-hydrating base discoveries worth adding to your routine:

Clinique Even Better Clinical™ Serum Foundation SPF 20

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A fluid, soothing formula that gives you light coverage and luminosity, while keeping the skin cushioned underneath. It’s breathable, blends effortlessly and stays comfortable through cold weather. A dependable base.

IT COSMETICS CC+ Cream Full-Coverage Foundation SPF 50+

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This skincare-led CC cream delivers full coverage while keeping dry winter skin supple, thanks to its nourishing formula and broad-spectrum sun protection. The finish remains smooth and radiant; never heavy or cakey.

PAT McGRATH LABS Skin Fetish: Sublime Perfection Foundation

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Designed to mimic the look of perfected skin, this foundation offers a second-skin finish that sits beautifully on drier complexions. It enhances radiance while maintaining a hydrated appearance throughout the day.

Dior Forever Skin Glow 24H Hydrating Radiant Foundation

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For skin that leans dry in winter, this foundation delivers long-lasting, slightly creamy hydration with a naturally radiant finish. It smooths over texture without settling into dry patches, leaving skin looking fresh and comfortable from morning to night. The glow feels healthy and natural.

SHISEIDO Revitalessence Skin Glow Foundation

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Lightweight yet deeply hydrating, this medium coverage formulation helps improve skin texture over time while giving a soft, lit-from-within finish. Ideal for winter days when skin needs moisture without heaviness.

Yves Saint Laurent All Hours Foundation Luminous Matte

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A rare balance of matte and comfort. While it holds up through long days, the formula keeps skin hydrated and supple, making it a reliable choice for dry skin that may not warrant a dewy finish in colder weather. The finish stays smooth and refined, never tight.

Kylie Cosmetics Skin Tint Blurring Elixir

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Perfect for the minimalists, this fluid texture sinks into skin, offering hydration and gentle blurring rather than full coverage. Skin looks even, soft and naturally fresh with no emphasis on dryness and a barely-there feel.

PIXI On-the-Glow Moisture Stick

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A nourishing, sheer coverage base for days when skin feels parched. The creamy stick glides on effortlessly, adding moisture and a glowing radiance that revives winter dullness. Best worn for a healthy, skin-like finish and on-the-go touch ups.


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Why we spent all of 2025 asking, “Is this real?”

Corporations and celebrities weren’t the only ones behaving absurdly. A group of Indian tourists wearing coordinated yellow outfits performed the garba on the viewing deck of the Burj Khalifa. Indian managers repeatedly went viral online for their shockingly bad behaviour with hostile, unprofessional responses to employees asking for time off. Screenshots circulated on Reddit, LinkedIn and X, and the whole world wondered if it was really true that Indians behaved that way at work. Some people cried, fainted, tore their clothes off and had to get IV drips at the cinema while watching Saiyaara, which left the rest of us baffled. A reel showing Indian models and influencers at the Tyla concert in Mumbai got millions of views, with many exclaiming they were surprised Indian women could also be baddies. Others claimed people finding Indian women attractive had finally ‘ended racism’, an idea we all reacted to with a weary ‘Is this real?’

Even our memes this year were unreal and bizarre: “six seven” meant nothing and everything. Nobody over the age of 13 really understood it, and everybody asked, “Does this actually mean something? What is this? Is this real?” The biggest trends of the year were inexplicable phases we just had—Labubus, matcha, Dubai chocolate—things consumed and discarded at record speed. Cambridge and Oxford’s words of the year were ‘parasocial’ and ‘ragebait’; everything was far removed from reality.

And yet, despite all the mayhem, some moments made us realise the world is a strange, but beautiful place. Sometimes, unreal, too-good-to-be-true moments also happen, and they revive our hope in humanity. We find ourselves happily surprised and awestruck, asking each other, “Is this real?”


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Men’s Ethnic Wedding Wear That Never Goes Out of Style



These days, trends are blown to and fro like mist before fierce winds in the mountains. We must admit, men’s wedding outfits have a legendary status. Even when silhouettes turn back and forth and fabric grows to be a tad luxury each passing season—the quintessential men’s traditional wedding clothes hang like supreme law in shaadi, reception, or right within society’s “Kar lo log kya kahenge” look-book.

Be it your wedding wardrobe or the next outfit to get some inspiration from, here is your timeless style guide to men’s ethnic wear—style that is here to stay till eternity, maybe synthetic but surely long after the wedding hashtags have become passé.

  1. The Bandhgala: For When Royalty Refuses to Retire

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Some consider the bandhgala to be the symbol of masculine royalty sans all the kilos of grandiose ethical responsibility. The bandhgala is structured to carry authority and be sharp with effortless aristocratic elegance. The suit is the perfect epitome for old money minus the money part.

Bandhgala which has been traditionally adorned by royals and congressmen now comes in the rich colors of navy, wine, ivory, emerald, and charcoal. Add a hint of embroidery, metal buttons, or even a brooch if you want to spice things up tonight-—an even worn bandhgala spellbinds.

Perfect for: Engagements and cocktail nights at someone’s wedding where you need to look mighty but still approachable. (Think CEO vibes, not boardroom blah.)

  1. The Sherwani: The Main Character of Indian Weddings

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If weddings had a dress code in Hero Mode, then the sherwani would be perfect. Lengthy, majestic, and exclusively festal, the sherwani inks its page in the history of groomsman ship justifiedly.

Today’s sherwani explores various textures such as silk blends, jacquard, raw silk, and brocade, enables new embroidery possibilities blended with classical styles, including zari, threadwork, and hand work. Beware that the above-mentioned color-coordinated meridian, beechnut, gold, and pastel shades remain more trending in such classic color patterns. It surely secures first place if compared to other trends in subtlety by considering its status as a hot seller for purity.

Style tip: The grandeur should balance with minimum embellishments, or fully embrace the Bollywood look with turban, stole, and mojris.

  1. Kurta-Pajama Sets: Comfort That Never Ghosts You

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Not every wedding function warrants full royal armor. Then came the kurta-pajama set; the unsung hero of menswear! As comfortable as it is versatile and able to accessorize haldi ceremonies as well as late-night dance sessions, this sartorial classic is time-tested.

The pivotal thing about dhoti pants, embroideries, a straight-cut kurta, or an Angrakha-style kurta-pajama is that subtle shift from good to sensational: just add a Nehru jacket, and you are way ahead of the game.

Pro tip: Sit. Eat. Dance. No wardrobe malfunctions allowed.

  1. Nehru Jackets: Small Layer, Big Impact

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If there was an easy tip for dressing a groom, it would be this: simply opt for a Nehru jacket. Throw it over your kurta, a nice shirt, or even a short kurta, and—voila! You’ve spiced enough.

You can never go wrong with a classic Nehru jacket that lies somewhere in the color spectrum, arrives in rather classy motifs, or is put together in textured fabric. These are the options preferred by men who are fond of sophistication without trying too hard.

Pro move: Keep at least one jacket in a neutral color spectrum and one in a glaring one. You will thank yourself once all those festive season invites start rolling in.

  1. Velvet Stoles: Drama, But Make It Elegant

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Velvet stoles were meant to be the rare costume pieces that make a bold statement without saying a word, wrapped across sherwanis or bandhgalas, adding instant depth and richness to any outfit.

Since classic jewel tones like maroon, forest green, midnight blue, and black are seldom eternally in use, its very minimal embroidery and simple adorned borders imbue true luxury without appearing ostentatious.

Velvet stoles are the cherry on top—a party fragrance, if you will, for clothes.

  1. Classic Fabrics & Colors: Because Trends Get Tired

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The beauty of a man’s traditional wedding dress is fabricated in the matter of cloth and colours that remain graced with time. Silks, velvets, brocades, and the like handwoven textiles have always been bereft of desuetude alongside colourful legacies, while ivory, gold, black, navy, maroon, and pale muted delicates never fail to feature.

These fabrics, much like pictures from wedding albums, never cede to outdated condition.

Read more – The Sherwani That Celebrates Every Groom’s Story

Final Word: Style That Outlives the Wedding Album

Mens fashion of weddings does not require a constant change to it. Sometimes all it takes is a well-tailored bandhgala, a luxurious sherwani, or the perfectly draped velvet stole to create a lasting impression.

Because while there are trends with expiry dates, good old men’s classic clothes never expire and stay on. The memories of both the delicious main course and popular songs of the wedding are forever.

So go trendy, go classic, but, remember, when in doubt, velvet always wins!






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How to get rid of puffy eyes, according to ophthalmologists

Puffy eyes were once a regular part of my morning routine. It happened all of a sudden. I would wake up with inflated dark circles and hooded eyes, seemingly out of nowhere.

This is very common, say the experts, as the under-eye area is prone to fluid retention. It may also be on account of allergies, dehydration, leaving make-up on or as detailed by consultant ophthalmic and oculoplastic surgeon Dr Elizabeth Hawkes, “Alcohol, a poor night’s sleep or stress can make your eyes look puffy in the morning.” While many of us can track the causes, the process for easing puffiness is not always so simple. So, we consulted the experts.

The science of puffy eyes

Dr Hawkes explains, “The eyeballs sit in a bony socket called the orbit, which is cushioned with fat. This fat is held in place by a delicate structure called the orbital septum, which is paper-thin. Over time, the septum weakens and the fat starts to bulge forward, causing puffiness or under-eye bags. In the lower lid, there are three fat pads: medial, central and lateral. These can prolapse forward when the septum weakens.” But while this happens due to biological ageing, there are other causes too; more on that below.

What causes puffy eyes?

“Puffy eyes are not one single diagnosis, but a symptom,” says ophthalmologist, oculoplastic and reconstructive surgeon Dr Rachna Murthy. “From simple fluid retention and allergies to rarer conditions such as blepharochalasis syndrome or thyroid eye disease, the ‘why’ matters before the ‘what cream’.” She flags that professional attention is required if puffiness is painful or bleeding, bags are hard or irregular, it is paired with a fever or double vision or you notice a rapid change in eye prominence.

Otherwise, the process for soothing puffy eyes begins by determining lifestyle factors that may play into their formation. These may include salty food, alcohol consumption, hormonal shifts, airborne allergens, cosmetics or skincare that inflames the eyelids.

Dr Jennifer Doyle, a consultant oculoplastic surgeon, reveals that it could also just be a case of genetics. “Many people simply have weaker connective tissue in the lower lid, which makes the underlying fat pads more visible. As we age, collagen and elastin decline, the orbital septum weakens and what looks like ‘puffiness’ is often a combination of fluid retention and natural anatomical change.”

What can you do to combat puffy eyes?

The first step in ridding your morning routine of puffy eyes is “address the basics”, says Dr Doyle (AKA “good sleep, hydration, reducing salt and alcohol, and managing allergies”). She adds that in-clinic, the approach is to “treat persistent puffiness with lymphatic-stimulating treatments like radio frequency or ultrasound or polynucleotides to improve the quality of the supporting tissue.” Yet, providing there is not a more serious condition (periorbital dermatitis, blepharitis, thyroid eye disease, blepharochalasis), there are home remedies too.

Cold therapy

Dr Murthy tells us “chilled eye masks or cool spoons briefly applied can constrict superficial vessels and calm fluid pooling,” but she stresses to apply “gentle pressure only” and to “never ice directly on skin.”

OROSSENTIALS Facial Ice Globes Cooling Crystal Roller Massager

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Mount Lai DePuffing Rose Quartz Facial Roller

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Anti-allergy supportAvoiding allergens that could lead to puffy eyes includes switching up your bedding for hypoallergenic alternatives (think silk as it’s a natural fibre) or investing in a device complete with a HEPA filter. Dr Murthy shares that these options “can reduce recurrent periorbital swelling.”

Skincare

As for skincare, Dr Hawkes believes “the best approach is to improve the quality of the skin. Look for products with peptides, collagen-boosting ingredients and antioxidants to nourish the skin and enhance its appearance.” Dr Murthy also stresses the importance of removing make-up, especially waterproof mascara and “favour ophthalmologist-tested, fragrance-free formulas designed for the periocular zone.”

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Dr Murthy shares this crucial information: “For persistent, cosmetically troubling upper or lower eyelid bags that do not shift with lifestyle, skincare or allergy control, I recommend a detailed oculoplastic consultation to map out anatomy, review systemic contributors and discuss options ranging from energy-based tightening and filler correction to bespoke surgical blepharoplasty.”


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Samantha Ruth Prabhu’s silk sari is woven with a houndstooth pattern

Houndstooth is not a motif associated with Indian silk weaving. Its roots are in Scottish wool textiles, where the motif emerged as a repeating geometric check. In Samantha Ruth Prabhu’s sari by Xiti Weaves, that pattern is translated into silk through weaving rather than surface application, creating an unexpected conversation.

The black silk base carries the houndstooth across the body of the sari, allowing the motif to remain clearly legible against the fabric’s natural sheen. A wide silver border runs along the edges, bringing in the ceremonial weight associated with classical silk saris. The pallu extends this detailing, revealing itself gradually as the sari moves.

The blouse is intentionally pared back. Sleeveless and black, it steps away from pattern and ornament, giving the woven surface of the sari room to hold attention. The jewellery consists of kundan chandbali earrings paired with a kanoti and stacked bangles at the wrists. The pieces sit within a familiar ceremonial vocabulary and remain concentrated at the ears and hands, leaving the sari’s woven surface unobstructed.

Makeup is kept minimal with a natural finish. The eyes are lightly smoked and the lips are finished in a muted pink.

From Vogue’s fashion desk:

“Sheer black bishop sleeves on the blouse would elevate the houndstooth sari, with the pallu neatly pleated and pinned on the shoulder. Ditch the bangles but keep the earrings and ring, and go even bolder and bigger with the bindi. A classic red lip to finish it off,” says Vogue India fashion associate Manglien Gangte.

Also read:

Samantha Ruth Prabhu pairs a translucent purple drape with a sharply cut zari-striped blouse

A zardozi-heavy halter blouse shifts the balance of Janhvi Kapoor’s velvet sari

Mira Rajput Kapoor revisits a decade-old Anamika Khanna lehenga in black and blue threadwork


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2025 is the year we pledged allegiance to the tabi shoe

Before you roll your eyes at the dupe-fication of Margiela, it’s essential to note that the tabis were not invented by the French. Their provenance can be traced back to 15th-century Japan, where these were worn as socks, separating the big toe from the rest to maintain grip, balance and comfort. By the early 20th century, rubber soles strengthened the slip ons, creating the style we now call tabis. In fact, the so-called luxury design is still commonly worn by labourers in Japan.

Could it be that the internet’s obsession with Hobonichi planners, Studio Ghibli, matcha and all things East Asia summoned the return of the tabis? Well perhaps. But if you ask stylist and designer Jayati Monga, an ardent wearer of the shoes, it’s more fashion school. “Wearing tabis feels like being a small part of the universe Margiela built, even if mine is a dupe,” says the 25-year-old from Bengaluru. “It’s definitely a polarising silhouette but that’s part of the charm.”

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In truth, the central conflict of the tabi—the ‘will they, won’t they’—is a major draw for many wearers. At a time when everything from your inside-joke laptop sticker to the DIY crochet keychain on your bag is a way to script your personality, wearing tabis signals which niche you bend the knee for. It is a strange IYKYK declaration, attracting those who subscribe to similar experimentation while weeding out others who are scared to err on the wrong side of fashion. In fact Monga influenced her flatmate to join the tabi tribe. “They felt super out there to me at first but I love how whimsical tabis can look,” says Udisha Madan, 27, who has just ordered her split-toe shoes.

Most people will agree, the hoof lookalikes do not evoke love at first sight. Just like other great works of art—Lena Dunham’s Girls, Addison Rae—tabis are a slow burn. “When I first saw them on TikTok, my immediate thought was, ‘Ew, I hate that.’ The more I saw them, the cuter they got in my eyes,” explains Ankolekar. Still what finally sealed the deal for the 28-year-old was the tabis’ gentle allure of grounding. “I saw a video about how back in Japan, the thin sole allowed the wearer to stay as close to the ground as possible,” she adds. When so many woo-woo wellness enthusiasts are going entirely barefoot for a taste of analogue, it fits that a shoe that promises to root people to the earth (while shielding them from the grime of the streets) has our vote.


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Horoscope Today: December 25, 2025

For just a moment, follow your Christmas star. Metaphorically, this would mean the brightest spark in your heart, and realistically, it means literally taking a moment to gaze at the brightest star in the night sky tonight and mentally requesting it to guide you on your life’s journey forward. The side effects may include waking up tomorrow with an urge to declutter and detox your life—beginning with your wardrobe and perhaps leading towards your long-held restrictive beliefs. There may be too many things calling out to you—a lot of opportunities, a lot of commitments, a lot of options, but Pisces, choose what is in your hands first. Honour your commitments there first and take on more on your plate, knowing with an open heart and honest mind about what is possible for you. What were you okay with, and what did you think was the only way you could make things work for you, Cancer? This narrative is beginning to shift now. You are now willing to pour out more of yourself, knowing that you are full anyway, and you are doing this without feeling afraid. Your karmic cycles are changing, your relationships are evolving, and your life is going to be feeling a lot more upleveled in many ways, Libra. This is the time when you peg your anchors and build upwards on solid ground.

Read on for what the stars have in store for you, and make sure you check out your sun, moon, and rising signs for the complete picture.

For just a moment, follow your Christmas star. Metaphorically, this would mean the brightest spark in your heart, and realistically, it means literally taking a moment to gaze at the brightest star in the night sky tonight and mentally requesting it to guide you on your life’s journey forward. The side effects may include waking up tomorrow with an urge to declutter and detox your life—beginning with your wardrobe and perhaps leading towards your long-held restrictive beliefs. Your health and wellness, even emotional wellness, become a priority. And really, Aries, tell me, how much longer do your guides have to remind you to finally choose what makes you happy?

Cosmic tip: Choose happiness in the tiniest way (perhaps a hobby) to welcome it in bigger ways in your life.

Kick your heels up high and get jiggy with it, Taurus. This is the season where your inner Venusian energy comes to the fore—love, beauty, leisure, luxury, harmony and laughter. This is the time when you remember yourself and who you really are. This is the time when you may feel heightened energy and emotion as well, courtesy of the gazillion people you are likely to be socialising with. Ensure you get your me-time in check and on priority. And decline engagements that feel even a tad too cumbersome to you, got it?


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Archival fashion was everywhere in 2025

Fashion has always loved a comeback story, but lately, it has become more of a headline-maker. Archival fashion looks get social media traction, headlines and conversation, whether it’s a decades-old gown resurfacing on a red carpet or a vintage silhouette reworked through a contemporary lens. This return to the past reads as aesthetic, emotional and commercial.

Nostalgia sells well

The current cultural instability, coupled with economic jitters and the exhaustion of the hyper-digital world that we live in has amplified the effect of the nostalgic cycle on fashion. When the present doesn’t meet our emotional needs, we look back, often with rose-tinted glasses.

Every era had its own distinct fashion zeitgeist, from Y2K maximalism to the ‘90s grunge and hip-hop, and the preppy style of the ‘80s. Today’s landscape, by contrast, feels fragmented with the chaos of microtrends and overconsumption. In a market flooded with duplicates and lookalikes, vintage fashion reads as more authentic, proof of taste, effort and discernment. It offers a way to stand apart from an algorithm built on sameness.

When fashion had time to take risks

“Fashion wasn’t safe, and collections weren’t designed primarily around sales projections. That freedom produced work that still resonates today in a way that much of today’s more cautious fashion doesn’t,” says Allia Al Rufai, fashion stylist and consultant.

Fashion has the capacity to shape culture in ways that extend far beyond the runway. Certain garments have become cultural markers, referenced and remembered decades later because they captured a moment with emotional force. That kind of resonance takes time, experimentation and, often, the willingness to fail.


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Ananya Panday’s coral Arpita Mehta sharara glints with mirror work

Ananya Panday stepped out in a coral sharara set by Arpita Mehta for a pre-wedding celebration in Dubai, styled by Ami Patel. The look was built around dense hand embroidery and a three-part ensemble comprising a cropped jacket, a sweetheart-neck blouse and wide sharara pants.

The jacket set the proportions of the look, worn open over the blouse and detailed with heavy shisha embroidery along the front panels, sleeves and hem. Gold zari outlined the mirror work, creating a clear visual framework for the garment. The blouse repeated the same shisha motif at a tighter scale.

The sharara pants extended the design language downward in a more dispersed pattern, with embroidered motifs placed across the length of the fabric and gathered more closely near the waist.

Panday paired the set with statement chandbalis, keeping all jewellery concentrated around the face. The absence of a necklace left the jacket opening and blouse embroidery fully visible, while creating some breathing room to balance the density of the surface work.

The makeup by Riviera Lynn keeps the focus on softly kohl-lined eyes, worked close to the lash line and gently smoked to add depth that holds up against the density of the shisha embroidery and mirror work. Skin is even and luminous, with warmth through the cheeks that picks up on the coral tones of the sharara. With hair in loose, soft waves by Sankalp Vilas Surve, the beauty look acts as a steady counterpoint to the ornate craft of the ensemble.

From Vogue’s fashion desk:

“Ananya Panday’s Arpita Mehta look works best when the embellished jacket is the hero. Keep everything else pared back with fitted shorts and a simple white puffy blouse or crop top. Go for undone hair, natural makeup, a chunky wrist stack and boho sandals for some laid-back street style,” says Vogue India fashion associate Divya Balakrishnan.


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What finally helped me manage my PCOD when nothing else worked

I didn’t realise how deeply a diagnosis could affect me until the doctor said the words, “You have PCOD.” I wasn’t scared of managing PCOD. I was scared of what it meant about me: my body, my future, my identity. It felt like something inside me had slipped out of place, and I didn’t know how to put it back.

It caught me off guard because I thought I was doing everything right; I woke up at 6am and slept at 10pm. I ate only home-cooked meals. I didn’t drink or smoke. I exercised regularly. So when my gynaecologist kept saying, “Take care of your lifestyle,” I didn’t know what else to fix. I thought I already lived a great lifestyle. Meanwhile, my symptoms kept getting louder. My acne got painful, my periods stayed irregular, my anxiety increased and my confidence disappeared. I tried birth control medication, antibiotics, vitamin supplements, gallons of water, but nothing made a meaningful difference. At one point, I gave up on the idea of managing PCOD. That’s when my parents suggested therapy, not because I was falling apart, but because the doctor believed stress was playing a role.

I walked into the psychologist’s room expecting answers. What I got instead was a question. After listening quietly as I described my tightly controlled routine, he asked me, “Have you thought of living without calculating every move?” In that moment, I realised my lifestyle wasn’t healthy, it was rigid. I had built my life like a timetable. I was afraid of being late, of falling behind, of doing anything that might look like failure. And that fear showed up everywhere: in the way I rushed to class instead of walking, in how I inhaled my food, in how I panicked when I wasn’t productive, in how I swallowed my emotions because I didn’t want to “waste time.” For the first time, the pieces fit. My body wasn’t rebelling. It was overwhelmed.

According to psychotherapist Harleen Bagga, founder of Soul Therapy, unmanaged stress can trap the body in a constant state of survival. “Women managing PCOD often live in an anxiety loop,” she explains, where stress worsens symptoms and symptoms create more stress. “Over time, this affects emotional regulation, sleep and the nervous system’s ability to feel safe.” So, instead of trying harder, I tried differently. I began slowing down as a rule of thumb. I consciously reduced my walking speed. I let myself lie in bed for ten minutes after waking up instead of starting the day in urgency. I allowed the occasional late night without guilt. I ate more mindfully, taking time to enjoy meals rather than rushing through them. I cut sugar and dairy not as punishment, but as an act of care. I stopped being available to the world before I was available to myself.


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