There’s something apocalyptic about lying in the dark at 3 AM, eyes wide open, body heavy but brain electric, scrolling through Reddit threads titled “how to fix your sleep schedule when nothing works”. You’re not even tired anymore; you feel haunted. That’s where I was a few months ago, melatonin bottle by my bedside like a crutch I both relied on and resented.
It started innocently enough. One gummy to unwind. Two gummies when my brain wouldn’t quiet down. But it soon became a ritual. Melatonin was the bouncer at the velvet rope of my REM cycle. Without it, sleep wouldn’t let me in. And even with it, I rarely felt rested. I’d wake up groggy, sometimes tangled in dreams that felt too real, too strange.
The science is there. Melatonin is a hormone that signals the body to rest when it gets dark. While it’s generally safe for short-term use, constant reliance may create a sense of dependency. “If you take melatonin regularly, you might get the feeling that you can no longer fall asleep without it,” neurologist and sleep doctor Anna Heidbreder of the University Clinic for Neurology at the Kepler University Hospital Linz, Austria, tells Vogue. “Recurring rituals promote falling asleep. Humans are creatures of habit—that’s why bedtime stories work so well with children.”
So, when I found myself between jobs with time to kill and hobbies to romanticise—crocheting, reading, obsessively reorganising my closet—I decided to ‘fix your sleep schedule’ to my task list. Sleep had become my white whale. I channelled my restlessness into routine. The internet called it “sleepmaxxing”—a wellness rabbit hole where pillows become investments, blackout blinds are gospel and your nightstand looks like a supplement aisle. I call it throwing every calming potion and pillowcase at my insomnia and see what sticks.
Over four months, I tried it all: silk pillowcases, sleepy girl mocktails, magnesium glycinate, CBD drops, blackout at 10, brown noise, yoga, bedtime teas, and a guided meditation app narrated by a man who sounded like he had a forest growing in his chest.
Below, every method I tried, the science (or pseudoscience) behind it, and how it went down when I closed my eyes.
Magnesium glycinate: A hug in supplement form
Magnesium has been touted as the mineral of the moment—relaxing muscles, easing anxiety, and allegedly helping you slip into sleep like it’s a silk sheet. Glycinate, the gentler cousin, is said to be the most effective for sleep without the digestive drama. Did it knock me out? No. But it dimmed the hum of my brain just enough for the meditation app to take over. A soft win and daily staple.
CBD oil: Calm, not comatose
A few drops under the tongue, and I waited for the blissful oblivion. What I got was… neutrality. I wasn’t anxious, sure. But I wasn’t sleepy either. CBD may help some with stress-related insomnia, but for me, it was more vibe than utility—like mood lighting for the nervous system.
Silk pillowcase and pillow mist: Ritual over result
Did it help me sleep? No. Did it make me feel like a woman with her life together? Absolutely. The silk felt cool against my skin; the lavender mist (borderline aggressive, but calming) became a Pavlovian nudge to wind down. These were less about impact, more about intention and a ritual I still follow today.
Eye mask: Darkness is a luxury
Blocking every sliver of light did improve things. Our circadian rhythms are sensitive creatures, and a dark room signals melatonin production naturally (the hormone, not the pill). The eye mask was hit and miss; I’d wake up with it askew and a slight feeling of suffocation.
Yoga and stretching: Good for my spine, not my sleep
I’d read enough to know that gentle evening movement could help the nervous system wind down. So I dutifully stretched, breathed and twisted. While it didn’t lull me to sleep, it softened my jaw, released the day from my shoulders, and made me feel less like a crusty human croissant. Worth it, even if sleep remained elusive.
Sleepytime tea: Herbal placebo, but pleasant
Chamomile, valerian root, lemon balm—all marketed as nature’s lullaby. The taste was comforting; the ritual, grounding. But did it help me sleep? Not really. If anything, the repeated trips to the loo negated whatever drowsiness it may have sparked.
Brown noise: The underrated sibling of white noise
Where white noise grates, brown noise soothes. It’s lower, softer, and sounds like someone lovingly blowing static into your ears. I found it surprisingly effective at drowning out the mind’s 11pm monologue. But my cat was not a fan and vocally vetoed this from my night routine.
Guided meditations: The brain’s bedtime story
Some nights, I needed someone to tell me to breathe. Preferably in a soft, vague accent. Guided meditations on apps like Insight Timer or Headspace helped me ride the waves of overthinking. No magic switch, but they taught me to treat sleep like a visitor, not something to chase, just something to make space for. But my anxious brain started treating the meditation as a challenge to achieve and follow to the end. The meditation would end, my body feeling heavy but my brain wide awake.
Cognitive shuffling: The thing that finally worked
Cognitive shuffling sounds like something your mind does after a third espresso. But it’s actually a methodical little sleep hack cooked up by Canadian cognitive scientist Dr Luc Beaudoin. The idea is to give your brain a harmless puzzle to chew on, one so mundane, it lulls you to sleep before anxiety can grab the mic.