Have a friend who disagrees with you on everything? The internet is finally calling them out

A few hallmark signs you may be dealing with this toxic type of contrarian include:

1. They interrupt your happy moments

You’re midway through an exciting story about a first date gone well or a long-overdue promotion at work, when all of a sudden they swoop in with a put-down: “Well, isn’t this only the first date?” “Actually, that’s not a promotion—it sounds more like a raise.”

2. They fixate on irrelevant details

Maybe you’re recounting a funny moment from girls’ night or showing off the retro gem you scored at a vintage shop. Rather than responding to the bigger point, a contrarian will latch onto something more trivial, like how, technically, that leather jacket isn’t truly vintage, since the brand only launched in 2010. In other words, they seem more fixated on correcting you, Dr. Ferrari points out, than connecting with you.

3. Their tone sounds more smug than supportive

It’s one thing to gently fact-check you when you’re objectively wrong (like mispronouncing someone’s name, say). But if their delivery sounds more condescending (You know that trend isn’t new, right? Or, That’s such a basic take), that’s less about honesty and more about judgment, according to Dr. Degges-White.

4. They only act this way with you

They’re overly sweet, attentive and supportive with others yet cold, critical and dismissive with you. Perhaps they roll their eyes only when you get excited about something or they’re quick to poke holes in your stories but let everyone else’s slide. These are signs that this devil’s advocate role isn’t an innocent personality quirk: It may be a targeted attempt to knock you down.

How to deal with the contrarian friend

Regardless of the reason behind their behaviour, one thing remains true: Dealing with a friend who disagrees all the time can be exhausting. Friends are supposed to lift you up, not wear you down with endless nitpicking.

“Everyone has a different threshold for tolerating a friend’s ‘poor’ behaviour,” Dr. Degges-White points out. “But if you find yourself dreading time with them or avoiding contact, it may be a good idea to have a heart-to-heart about what’s bugging you.” In the moment, you can consider gently setting boundaries with a simple one-liner like, “Can I share something without it turning into a debate?” or “I’m not really looking for different perspectives—I just want to vent.”