What should you do if you’re falling in love with your psychiatrist?

As intense as erotic transference may sound, the reason it’s pretty common is simple: In sessions, “the client often feels heard, cared for and accepted,” Larkin explains. “So it’s easy to confuse those professional, relational feelings for romantic love.” But that doesn’t mean your connection is actually romantic—or even real in the way it may feel in the moment.

That’s because “you can’t truly be in love with someone you don’t know,” says Erin Runt, LMFT, a Chicago-based licensed therapist. “A patient might think they know their therapist or psychiatrist, but in any professional setting with the right boundaries, they don’t.” So often, what seems like infatuation is actually about what the therapist symbolises—things like comfort, approval and validation.

What therapists do when their patient catches feelings

Transference is so common that it’s something most therapists are trained to prepare for and handle. Rather than ignoring what can seem like an uncomfortable or inappropriate crush, Dr. Gold says the standard protocol is to address the tension directly. Otherwise, important boundaries can become even more blurred, making your mental health treatment less effective (or even more harmful) in the long run.

To navigate this dynamic, Runt says she’d typically start by explaining to the patient what transference is, reassuring that it’s natural and exploring what might be behind those feelings. (Are you craving attention from a parent? Feeling unheard in your love life?) From there, it might also require reinforcing firmer boundaries, Larkin adds—like prohibiting contact outside of sessions (unless in the case of emergencies) or rejecting physical gestures like hugs.

In taking these precautions, it’s possible the therapeutic relationship may rupture as a result, meaning some clients might decide to walk away. And in certain situations, psychiatrists could find it more appropriate to refer them to a new provider, especially in more ethically complex situations (such as when the patient is continuously pushing boundaries and trying to pursue a romantic relationship).

Given the intimacy and vulnerability involved in therapy, falling in love with your psychiatrist is not unnatural (with or without an 18-part TikTok exposé). Still, that doesn’t mean the connection is truly romantic—and any ethical, well-trained professional is equipped to keep those lines crystal clear.

This article first appeared on self.com