Why guys with older sisters are the ultimate green flag

It’s easy to judge people based on their family setup (whether it’s fair or not). The “momma’s boy,” for instance, is overly dependent and immature. The “only child” has historically been characterised as selfish or spoiled. But there’s one particular dynamic garnering more positive attention: guys with older sisters.

Consider Luke Dunphy in Modern Family. He’s goofy and a little scatterbrained, sure, but he actually respects the women in his life. (A rare trait for a sitcom teen boy). Or Robert Irwin, whose stint on this season of Dancing With the Stars has already included several moments of praise for his big sis and inspiration, Bindi.

Of course, having an older sister doesn’t automatically make a guy a saint. But older siblings do have the unique position to act as both an influence and a peer—close enough in age to feel like a friend, but with just enough authority to keep you in check. So for men raised with female role models in particular, family therapists say this relationship can be uniquely formative—and a standout quality to look for in romantic relationships. Here’s why.

Younger brothers are moulded to be thoughtful

Sure, anyone can fake good manners when they’re trying to impress a first date (or score a hookup). But genuine thoughtfulness—the kind that comes naturally? That’s often drilled into you by older sisters who demand it as a given, says Nari Jeter, LMFT, a licensed couples therapist in Florida and cohost of The Coupled Podcast.

A woman, for instance, might hardwire small courtesies (holding the door, offering to carry a heavy bag, showing up on time) into their younger brother—acts plenty of men (unfortunately) could use a little reminder on. Essentially, they’re used to meeting an expectation where rudeness and thoughtlessness aren’t tolerated—because their older sister made sure of that.

Guys with older sisters are also empathetic about what women go through

“Younger brothers who are close to their older sisters tend to have a deeper respect and understanding for women’s lived experiences,” says Erin Runt, LMFT, a Chicago-based licensed therapist. They’ve probably seen (or at least heard family dinner rants about) the emotional fallout of cheating exes, the casual misogyny in the workplace and the relentless hell of a monthly menstrual cycle.