Is taking a break in a relationship ever actually helpful?

The difference may seem subtle, but according to Higgins, it’s pretty powerful. “The language you use matters in helping you approach the situation with more clarity,” she explains. “And taking a break in a relationship can imply something is fundamentally broken or disjointed, which might make it feel more final and negative than it actually is.” Space, on the other hand, sounds a lot more neutral: It signals that you’re intentionally giving each other room to breathe and reflect—something that even the healthiest of couples need occasionally.

2. Consider the goals of your temporary reset early on

Basically, why do you even want to take a break in the first place? Are you trying to figure out if you can forgive your SO for emotionally cheating? Do you need space to work through personal challenges, like deep-seated insecurities or an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, without the added responsibilities of a partnership? Or maybe you’ve both been feeling disconnected lately, so you’re hoping that a little time apart will help you reconnect—or confirm you’re better off going your separate ways.

Being clear about your goals from the start can give your break more direction, structure and purpose beyond delaying a breakup, Higgins says. Without that intention, you might end up spending the whole time…waiting for the other person to text you back.

3. Decide how long the break will last up-front

According to Farrell, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer for how long a relationship break should be. For some a few days are enough to gain perspective, while others may need weeks or even months. What’s important is having an end date. “Otherwise, the break may extend indefinitely, which is more indicative of avoidance rather than a genuine attempt to strengthen or reevaluate the relationship,” Farrell says.

The good news is, you’re free to adjust the timeline of your temporary separation if needed—simply chat with your partner ahead of time about how you’ll touch base about potential changes. On that note….

4. Establish a few ground rules before you hit pause

Are you going to stay exclusive or hook up with other people? Will you check in occasionally or maintain radio silence for the entire month? Too often someone impulsively declares a break without addressing the details, which “results in confusion, misunderstandings, resentment and hurt feelings,” Farrell explains. That’s why both therapists suggest establishing clear expectations beforehand to avoid messy, dramatic surprises down the line.