This toxic dating trend is so much worse than ghosting

You’re quite happy in your relationship. Everything seems to be going well, you text every day and meet up several times a week. Then there are fewer messages and something keeps coming up. But your partner continues to act as if everything is fine. Suddenly, out of the blue, it’s all over: they are gone faster than you can ask “Why?” Except, everything seems to have been meticulously planned. Turns out: you were a victim of Banksying.

What is “Banksying”?

Before a breakup, there should ideally be a detailed conversation where both parties discuss the relationship and decide whether it’s worth fighting for or not. Not with Banksying. This dating trend is named after Banksy, the anonymous street artist and political activist, whose epigrams tend to pop up seemingly out of nowhere. Banksy plans ahead, makes art in secret and then disappears as if he was never there. It’s the same with Banksying: the person has been planning the break-up for months but doesn’t talk to their significant other about it. Then, all of a sudden, they spring the break-up, leaving nothing but pain behind.

This phenomenon may not necessarily be new; it’s just been rebranded as a dating trend in the ever-expanding glossary. Pre-internet, it used to be known as the Irish goodbye, the French leave or the Polish exit.

Why do people go Banksy on us?

The simple answer: they want to avoid difficult conversations. Instead of engaging in a chat that might reveal that they need to work on themselves, Banksying allows someone to avoid confrontation altogether and make the decision without their partner.

The result? The person who does the Banksying has enough time to prepare for the break-up and come to an emotional conclusion about the relationship. But the other person will feel blindsided and end up doubting themselves for a long time. They will spend months going through all the scenarios from the last few months and try to figure out what they did wrong.

However, there are cases in which Banksying is the only option. If a person is in a toxic or violent relationship, then Banksying their way out of it may be their only solution. Especially if the partner has violent tendencies, then a concrete plan and a quick getaway are the best ticket out.

How can you avoid being Banksy-ed?

With a good Banksy, you won’t see the breakup coming at all. It all depends on how manipulative or good at acting your partner is. It could be difficult to recognise the signs, but these pointers can give you a clue:

The biggest signs of banksying:

• Communication becomes less
• Intimacy and closeness become infrequent
• Conversations about the future dwindle
• They come up with more and more excuses for not having the time to see you
• Important conversation topics are no longer brought up
• They no longer talk about you both as a single unit